I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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