i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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