I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
