go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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