yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
