Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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