I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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