Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
