It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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