Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
