I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
