I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
