If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
