i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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