My first STD was from a foam party
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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