when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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