It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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