garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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