i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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