real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I smell stomach acid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
