I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
