Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
