So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
