Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
