Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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