Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
