My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
