I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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