I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
