I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
