my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
