Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
