Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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