I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
