Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
