well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
