i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
