I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
tell me about the eggs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
