I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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