he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize