Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize