dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
