the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will pee on everything he values.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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