Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
