you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
