What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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