just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
