Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
