Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize