yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
