we're blogging at a bar
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
