Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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