is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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