I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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