youre lurking in front of me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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