sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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