Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
