I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
