you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she pinky promised me she was 18
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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