I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
