I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
