Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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