I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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