Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize