Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
