speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
