You're my little dorito
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
