I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
