You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
