Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
