Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
