He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
