awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
