Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
