Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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