um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
