There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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