last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize