I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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