Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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