I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
