Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
