My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
